animals, oh adorable animals.......

tonight i got to pet a chicken and a turkey.
so adorable, so soft and sweet.
they make me purrrrr......

mmmm mornings!

one of my favourite things about waking up in the morning lately is my dog: miles.

(side note: josh and i made a wise decision and bought a king-sized bed when we got married, almost seven years ago. it was a very, very good choice.)

since josh is in toronto this week making music with devin, i've had several mornings of miles, star, and me, all cuddled up in the spacious bed.

this is what happens when i wake up: i must move a wee bit or something, because miles gets up and stands in a place where he lowers his head to gesture that he wants to get under the covers (or sheet) with me. i lift them, and turn on my side, then he crawls under and curls up against my belly. i always think he wakes me up, but perhaps i wake him. anyway, it's the sweetest, warmest, coziest moment of the morning, and i stay there as long as i can to hold him.

where is star, you ask? she usually is still sleeping (near the foot of the bed). she is hard of hearing, has difficulty seeing, and is slower to wake. when she does get up, she is also quite affectionate.

then they run to the back door to go outside, and i follow.

i love mornings! (it's actually around 10 or 11 that i wake, but it's still morning)

love them!

thinking of you

someone died.

i never met this person, but the whole thing is quite sad. i am sad for that individual. i am sad for the family and friends. i am sad for all of the people who feel a loss. i am sad for those who feel a need to point a finger. i am sad for how the natural process of communicating and sharing and processing and talking things out has somehow changed the original story spoken within 10 hours. i am sad for all of the individuals who feel something that they did or didn't do could have or didn't prevent it. i am sad for all of those hearts that will be affected by this for the rest of their lives.

i am hopeful that blame will not be given to one person (could you imagine if that person were you?) i am hopeful that people will choose to support each other, that understanding is sought, and kindness is extended. i am hopeful that fear will not lead people's decisions, and that peace will eventually be felt in everyone's heart.

this is the kind of thing that reminds me of what is important, that reminds me of the importance of not passing judgment on others, and that wakes me up to the immense responsibility of being a nurse, of the importance of each decision that is made.

so many individuals are having a hell of an evening, i'm sure.

i wish i could hug them.

much, much love

today has been such a lovely day.

most days are quite lovely. but, today is my birthday, and i get very excited about birthdays.

actually, my birthday felt like it started yesterday.....(my first of five days in a row off from work, mind you).

yesterday, i went to the doctor's office for a check up. i don't usually go to doctors, but since i'm all about preventative measures i figured it only right that i heed my own suggestions and get a check-up. the mind and spirit are quite powerful, and the body is pretty neat, too, and they all benefit from being tended to. to top it off, my generous doctor said "you're all set. no co-pay for you".

later i enjoyed a tastee dinner with my papa and a two-hour plus conversation that left my heart feeling so full. that sweetness was followed by my dear friend calling to catch up. i was smiling before and after my head met the pillow. thank you, life.

my actual birthday morning: i was greeted with kisses from josh and from the pooches (i woke early to practice yoga while they snuzzled), then went to the most amazing massage therapist i ever did know. ahhmazing. i must say it again: amazing. it's like the whole body relaxes and melts while the heart smiles, and then you get wrapped in love. what a treat. thank you, life. imagine if everyone had the opportunity to experience a massage regularly. so nurturing, and healing, and loving goodness (like yoga). this would perhaps be a sweeter world.

i stopped by my papa's work to drop off a gift (i like to give gifts on my birthday). anyway, last night my papa said "do you still talk to that gal that does the massages?". "actually", i replied, "i have a massage scheduled for tomorrow". he's never had one. his birthday is this month, too. my wheels started turning. if you ever receive a massage from kristin, you will come up with a way for others to experience her gift. i got him a gift certificate. stopped by his work (this year makes 40 years he's been with GM) and he seemed very happy that a massage is in his near future. he took me around to meet a bunch of his co-workers and then gave me a tour of the plant where they test engines (cars are not my specialty, but it was a wee like a fun field trip). i'm so happy i stopped by. people are lovely.

side note: i appreciate the birthday calls, and cards, and emails, and messages. they all made my day feel full of much, much love.

home to josh and a delicious dinner. then a nap. then to teach yoga and share many hugs (i love hugs. more on hugs at another time). at the end of class, my friend brought in a little (decadent and yummy!) chocolate cake and a candle (it was a piece of art, really. and tasted sooo good!) we stayed and visited a bit with each other, and then......

i came home to josh. was greeted with a hug and kiss and a delightful surprise. i opened the bathroom door to find a warm bath, with candles, music, and the stack of books that i'm alternating between. and a love letter. on the bathtub wall, written with shaving cream, he wrote "i love audra", "kind", "cute", "fun", "sweet", "happy birthday", and there was a big heart over the tub faucet that had "j + a" in it. what a sugar-pie! more coziness. and some additional kisses from my pup, miles. thank you!

i read some more of deepak chopra's "unconditional life". there was a sweet blurb i want to share, so i shall:

compassion is found at the core of human nature, underneath the covering layers of selfishness. in our time, psychology has dwelt on selfishness as a fundamental drive in the human character, but in the yogi's eyes, this is a profound misjudgment. compassion and its root feeling, love, are primary in humankind. whenever they appear, even in a flash, it is our true self appearing, like the sun breaking through the clouds. to the yogi, love and nonlove are not striving for dominance. love is eternal; nonlove is temporary, a twist of the psyche that the small, limited, fearful self falls prey to. i am not sure this position can be proved, but one can certainly witness that love is welcomed with relief and joy whenever it is sincerely given. this joy is the self's natural response when it sees its truthful reflection. the same cannot be said for nonlove: to achieve enormous power is rarely a joyful event....... the true self is love, and being able to love all the time is the most one could want.... one true self speaks to another, using the language of the heart, and in that bond a person is healed.

thank you, deepak.

i am happy to be alive, and i wish for much, much love for all. thank you, life!

reading and relaxing

today was a treat.

slow moving and relaxing best describes it.

i woke up fairly early to read more of this lovely book called 'the secret power of yoga'. it's a refreshing translation of the yoga sutras of patanjali, by nischala joy devi, a feminine, heart- centered perspective that is simply lovely.

still curled up in bed with josh and the pooches i read until my eyes got tired. then i napped a bit.

practiced some yoga. made a mixed cd (one for my friend, and the same one for me) of various mantras and music that makes my heart sing. i sing along, too. it makes my heart happy.

read some more. at some point we had brunch. josh made a delicious baked dish of carmelized onions, potatoes, and raclette cheese. we had a picnic on the bed, and the pups watched closely to see if we dropped any bits. we didn't.

back to the book. then a bath. i usually shower, but a bath every now and then is much better for relaxing completely. i relaxed in the cozy water for almost an hour. i also read in the bathtub some. yes. the book is that good.

moisturizing bars followed the bath. i like bars and solids. i like shampoo bars, moisturizing bars, i'm even trying a new deodorant bar. it is subtle, smells of sandalwood, and it works. this is extremely appealing to me because i've never found any deodorant that is as lovely as dr. hauschka's (which i absolutely love. however, it's a bit pricey, and it's a roll-on. one of the nice things about solid bars is there is little to no packaging, and no waste when it's used up). so anyway, i moisturized, which i also find very relaxing.

i played with the pooches some, chatted with josh some, and returned to reading.

then a nap. miles joined me. josh cooked and woke me for dinner. another picnic on the bed (i like having picnics on the bed, and so almost always celebrate when we do so, and our duvet cover is green, so with a little imagination.....picnic on the grass).

then i finished the book.

now playing on the computer, and about to crawl back into bed where this relaxing day started with josh and the pups.

g'night.

gratitude

i am grateful for yoga,
for bare feet on the earth, for breath.
i am grateful for community,
for friends to share laughter and dreams with.
i am grateful for simplicity,
for freedom, for following my heart. and
i am grateful, so grateful, for love.

lists and wishes

my list of wishes that are going to unfold:

to visit animal sanctuaries and help care for the animals.

to be open to learning, creating, and loving in all their many forms.

to adopt a couple of rescue pigs and take care of them in our home (if they're smaller) or in our yard (if they're gigantic).

to adopt some additional animals...dogs, hens, whatever else may need a home at the time.

to live on a good-sized space of land (for all the animals to roam freely in nature) in a small-sized home (cozy and quaint, solar and/or wind powered, minimally furnished, with open space to play.... i've been creating a design for it and changing it a bit with new ideas) with a garden (like we have now: enough to feed our bellies, with some to share with others), and good friends nearby to share tea and conversation and laughter.

to become certified as a psychiatric nurse and/or holistic nurse

to travel with josh to planned (east and west coast of canada, japan, india, new zealand, italy, st. john's island...) and unplanned places and appreciate relationships everywhere.

ooooo, i can't wait for our pooches to make friends with some pigs!

the list may grow or change with time. that's one of the surprises of life!

human and animal beings

on september 25, 2006, josh and i met dr. jane goodall at the caboto club in windsor, ontario.

she is inspiring. she spoke, we listened.

one of the stories that she shared is also told in her book, the ten trusts: what we must do to care for the animals we love. here is the story for you to read:

it is about a chimpanzee called jojo, who was born in africa. when he was about two ears old, his mother was shot and he was taken from her bleeding body and shipped to america. for many years he lived alone in a small, barren cage. eventually money was raised to build a large enclosure surrounded by a moat (since chimps cannot swim). nineteen other chimpanzees were purchased, introduced to each other, then released into the enclosure.

one day one of the other males challenged jojo, who ran into the water. he managed to scramble over the fence intended to stop the chimps from drowning in the deep water beyond. three times jojo surfaced, gasping for air, then he was gone. on the other side of the moat was a small group of people. a keeper ran to get a long pole. lucky for jojo, a zoo visitor named rick swope was there with his family. he takes them one day each year. rick jumped in and swam, feeling under the water, until he touched jojo's inert body. heaving the dead weight over his shoulder, he scrambled over the fence, pushed jojo onto the shore of the exhibit, and started back toward his family.

suddenly the human onlookers began screaming at rick to hurry. from their elevated position they could see three big males, hair bristling, moving toward the scene. at the same time jojo was sliding back into the water--the bank was too steep. a woman happened to capture the scene on video. we see rick standing by the fence. he looks up toward his family, then to where three males are approaching, then down at jojo who is just vanishing into the water again. for a moment, rick is motionless. then he goes back, again pushes jojo up onto the land, and waits there, ignoring his frantic family, until-- just in time-- jojo manages to seize a clump of grass and pull himself up to where the ground is level. and --just in time-- rick gets back over the fence.

that evening the video was beamed across north american television channels. the director of jgi saw it. he called rick. "that was a very brave thing you did. what made you do it?"

"well you see," replied rick, "i happened to look into his eyes, and it was like looking into the eyes of a man. and the message was 'won't anybody help me?'"

simple delights

i am delighted by the senses.

delighted.

this is a compilation of just some of the many delights that i am grateful for at this moment.

the coolness of the wood floor on my bare feet in the morning. the open, unlimited feeling of a new day. the sound (and sight!) of josh laughing. his facial stubble on my cheek when his moist lips touch mine. the firmness of my yoga bolster supporting my back so that my heart can open up more freely. the heaviness of a mug balanced on my bottom lip, while hot tea greets my upper lip. the silkiness of a warm bath with a few drops of oil added in. the most delicious and decadent deodorant in the world that that i've been wearing for years and people actually comment that i smell good and ask "what is that scent you're wearing?" (all the credit goes to dr. hauschka's "floral" under my arms! hah!). the cozy softness of organic cotton and/or hemp clothing....amazing....once you feel it, you won't want any other fabric wrapped around your skin. the heat of the breath between the upper lip and the bottom of the nose on a lengthy exhalation. the smell, the sight, the taste of any one of josh's meals: spinach lasagna, potato leek soup, fresh avocado, onion, tomato and brussel sprout sandwich with parmesan grilled toast and dijon, etc. etc. (thank you, josh!) the creaminess of chocolate melting on my tongue for dessert. the sweetness of my nephew's voice saying "come. come look!". holding a hand-written (paper!) letter from a dear friend in my hand. the feel of my heart smiling when i see josh napping on his side with one dog sleeping behind the bend in his knees and the other dog sleeping in front of the bend in his hips. the orange-fuchsia sunset stretched across the sky. the joy in the voices of patients during karaoke night at the hospital. the cool, crisp air that numbs my cheeks when i step outside. the wood plus fire = crackles of the fireplace. the lovely, gritty, textured sound of music from the record player. the aliveness of each cell, awake, after dancing. the smoothness of fresh, clean cotton sheets to slide between at night. the contented sigh miles lets out as he plops down next to me. the warmth of my pooch's body, the softness of his coat, curled up against my belly. the earthy smell of my dogs' paws. the rush of excitement when josh returns home. the spaciousness of night and delight of anticipated sleep.

thanks be.

slumber parties

i love my work.

i love where i work. i love the people i get to work with. i love the complexity of people. i love that i work with a group of patients who are highly acute (perhaps that's redundant). i love being a mental/behavioral health nurse (a.k.a. psych nurse). i love caring for people and doing my best, at my part, to provide a safe and therapeutic experience for each one. and i love that every day the experience is different......one never knows what the shift will bring.

usually, the unit i work on is quite intense. males and females ages 18 and older with a unique reason to be there. some are very psychotic (which presents in sooo many different ways. often delusional or experiencing hallucinations of some type), some are easily agitated and aggressive (and/or homicidal), some are very depressed and at high risk for suicide (which in that case are on 1:1 with staff always being one arm-length away), some abuse substances, some have sexual disorders, some have personality disorders, etc. etc. the list goes on. most of the folks who are on this unit are there to be closely monitored.

the last few weeks we had a bad mix of folks. there's no other way to say it. out of the 23 patients on our unit, at least 5 were highly aggressive, a few were extremely sexually inappropriate, one a very quick and challenging 1:1, and several highly psychotic. you can imagine what happens when all are mixed together. then, many were discharged.

there's a new mix now.

last night was the quietest evening since i've worked there. there were two people who became agitated and had a little outburst, but overall smooth and serene. one patient (who arrived acutely psychotic a couple of months ago and only recently has started to interact with staff) said last night, "this is like a slumber party for adults here". it made me smile, as that's a perspective i haven't heard before.